Severity
by madmax160
Summary: Severus Snape's Past. His childhood as he remembers it and his years at Hogwarts. Please Review. For more than just Snape fans. Chapter 5 up - Secrets Revealed
1. The Nightmare Begins

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, obviously. What's the point of doing this damn thing? If I owned it I'd be writing the sixth book now, not a lame-ass fanfic  
  
Authors Note: I just finished HP5. There are no REAL spoilers in this I don't think, so no worries. It's mostly in the past anyways. For people out there who feel sympathy for Severus Snape. And by the way, I wrote this while eating Hot Pockets and drinking Pepsi and listening to the Harry Potter soundtrack with my trusty Harry Potter: and the Order of the Phoenix sitting on my lap. For reassurance. I'm content. ^-^ Purrrrr.  
  
Warning: there will be at some point be yaoi/shonen-ai or those Japanese illiterate, slash. This will happen especially in later chapters. You will see. FOR ONCE I do have some het. relationships going on here. Just read, you'll see. Enough for everyone. And don't assume you will know who the couples are. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW! Well, eventually. Guess, just guess! Who're the couples? Heehee...okay I'm a doof.  
  
Fic:  
  
SEVERITY  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
In the closet sat a little boy, crying and weeping into his minute babyish hands. His pointy little knuckles held scabs and dried blood from beating against the door of the closet. A picture of derision if one could be taken easily. He heard screaming from outside the closet door, a woman's scream, and the little boy again pounded his bony little fists against the closet door.  
  
"NO! NO! STOP! NO! STOP! STOP!"  
  
"STOP!!!!!" Severus screamed as he sat up. He gasped for breath and mewled until he recognized where he was. He felt his face, his chest, looked at his knuckles.  
  
No blood.  
  
He wiped his face with his hands and rubbed his hands through his hair, then looked around.  
  
All the beds were empty.  
  
"Shit!" he cursed, and jumped up. He changed quickly and gathered his things.  
  
He stumbled clumsily down the stairs, cursing himself and to the History of Magic room. He burst through the doors and everyone turned to look at him.  
  
He felt like an idiot.  
  
He was never late.  
  
Professor Binns looked over to him.  
  
"Mr. Snape, please take your seat."  
  
Severus did so, silently, hiding his blushing cheeks behind his black tresses. He heard a sniggering from behind him. He scowled down at the parchment he was laying out on the desk.  
  
He tried to listen to the lesson. He was normally a very diligent student; even though the History of Magic was a trifle boring when taught by Professor Binns, the particulars of the class were interesting. Severus was especially interested in Wizard Rebellion. He felt a strong bond to those long since dead Witches and Wizards they learned about; he felt they had a strength he did not contain but aspired to have.  
  
Conversely, the class was particularly boring today. The constant sniggering and whispering behind him was beginning to pester him. He flicked his quill, the audacity of the boys behind him driving him mad. He rubbed his forehead as a stray piece of paper, crumpled and the size of his pinky nail, sailed past his ear. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore them and listen to the professor.  
  
They got homework, a foot and a half to three feet about the Great Wizard Rebellion against Muggles in the year 1252 after reading pages 241-254 in their textbooks. Severus found this fascinating, so he began reading before class ended and was so engrossed in the battle of Lumoria and Bran Wingood's victory that he read as he made his way out the door and out of the castle for his break between classes. He ran hard into someone so he dropped his textbook. He snarled as he bent to pick it up. A delicate hand touched his own and picked it up for him. He looked up.  
  
Lily Evans held out his book, brushing red hair from her face. Severus swallowed hard and took it quickly, letting his own hair fall in front of his own face.  
  
"Sorry, and, um....this....this is yours. James and his mates took it from you while you were reading the section we were assigned, I took it from them...I didn't read it," she said. Severus felt his cheeks become hot as he took his journal from her.  
  
"Th-thanks," he said softly.  
  
"Well, see you later," Lily waved and walked off. Severus rubbed the back of his neck nervously. It was strange. Was she really being as kind as she acted? Or was she just being the Mudblood she was? Severus scowled as he thought about it and found a seat near (but not too near) the lake, under the shade of some bushes. He looked up and saw a flaxen handsome Slytherin surrounded by a few of his friends. Severus smiled and approached him.  
  
"Hello, Lucius."  
  
"What? Oh, Severus," Lucius said with a slight roll of his eyes. Severus' eyebrow quirked slightly.  
  
"So, um...I was just wondering...if you needed help with your History homework? Three feet is an awful lot to write."  
  
Lucius ran his hand over his silken gold tresses and looked at Severus off the end of his nose.  
  
"Yes, it is isn't it?"  
  
"Well, yes..." Severus suddenly felt very belittled.  
  
"Sure, if you wouldn't mind, could you do it for me?"  
  
Severus' shoulders sagged slightly. He'd hoped he and Lucius would be able to be alone. After all Lucius was the most popular Slytherin in the school. It would certainly make Severus look admirable to have helped Lucius one on one with his homework.  
  
"Yes, yes, I'd love to. Need to keep myself busy, you know," he laughed nervously  
  
Lucius' friends were watching him.  
  
"That doesn't surprise me."  
  
Severus felt himself blushing. He thought for a moment that one could only blush so many times in one morning. One more time and surely his face would rupture from too much blood.  
  
"I'll, erm...I'll catch you later then," Severus said softly, backing up. He almost tripped over his robes, which were slightly too long for him. He heard Lucius and his friends chortle at him as he walked away.  
  
He felt like an idiot. 


	2. Rejection

The small boy was biting his fingernails down to the very skin beneath it. Blood tore from the side of his nail painfully, and he latched his mouth over it to stop the bleeding. His eyes stung as the coppery taste filled his mouth in the familiar way it unpretentiously did, even when it didn't happen by his own hands. The boy knew that He would be home soon, and that he should stop the bleeding, as He got very annoyed when the boy gnawed on his fingernails.  
  
Too late, He was home, grabbing the small boy by the wrist and yanking him up. The poor boy wasn't tall enough, so he was pulled up higher than he was able to stand. A hit landed the boy's delicate babyish face. The boy began crying as a woman yelled at Him to stop. He let the boy go and went after the woman.  
  
"No! Leave her alone! Leave her alone! Stop! Mama! Leave her alone -"  
  
"MAMA!" Severus shouted as he sat up panting. He moaned mournfully and cupped his face in his hands.  
  
Someone stirred in their bed, grunting.  
  
"Shove it and let us sleep," the sluggish figure griped.  
  
Severus bit his quivering lip painfully until a well of blood seeped into his mouth. His breath shook and his trembling breaths came out as a soft mewling. He heard the once awoken figure snore.  
  
"Just let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go..." Severus chanted to himself in a whispered tone, knowing very well it was unattainable.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Severus finished the History of Magic homework before six that morning. He got up at nearly three-thirty and, not able to get back to sleep, he did the homework. He tried to disguise his handwriting as best he could for Lucius' homework, doing a decent job for doing it at five in the morning.  
  
He was ready for breakfast before many of the Slytherin's were even awake, dressed and ready to go. He wrote in his journal about the two days before, as he had missed his writing period the morning before, and read more about the Great Wizard Rebellion from his textbook. He then found a book he had gotten from the library a few days before and began reading that.  
  
At breakfast, Severus continued reading his library book, "Darkness and its Defenses", as he picked at his food. A few times James and his friends began chucking bits of food at him as was their normal routine. Some days Severus would get angry and fight back but today he was too engrossed in his book. After awhile they stopped, bored of Severus' lack of rejoinder.  
  
Severus spied Lucius not too far down the table from him so he picked up the parchment with Lucius' homework on it and brought it too him. Lucius glanced at him.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I have your, um..." Severus held it to him. Lucius stared for a moment and took it. He opened it and glanced at it. He sniffed, the corner of his mouth curling as he did so, and put it away.  
  
"Yep, alright."  
  
Severus debated on whether he should wait for Lucius to thank him or walk away now. He fiddled with his wand nervously as he stood there.  
  
Lucius' friends looked at Severus uneasily and Lucius opened his mouth to speak. Severus swallowed hard.  
  
"Um, err, thank you, S-Severus."  
  
Severus smiled weakly and walked away, nearly tripping over someone as he did.  
  
He sat at his table in silence, reading his book in quiet ferocity, not understanding why he had to be hated so.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Severus had no classes that afternoon, so he went up to his dorm to finish his book. Just as he was reading about the threat of magical creatures siding with the Dark Arts, he felt a sharp tap on his shoulder. He sat up quickly and turned. Lucius Malfoy stood staring at him.  
  
"L-Lucius! Hello! I was just finishing my book - "  
  
"I know. Good?"  
  
"I...suppose."  
  
"Good."  
  
Severus closed his book. Lucius scowled uneasily and sat beside Severus.  
  
"Don't tell anyone."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
Lucius seemed to blush.  
  
"What?"  
  
Lucius pushed Severus so he lay on his back. Severus tried to stand but Lucius pinned him.  
  
Lucius began to unbutton Severus' robe, and he slipped it off him. Severus began to protest, but was silenced by a sudden kiss. Severus let Lucius slip off the rest of his clothes he was wearing below his waist, hesitant and protesting but not really wanting him to stop. He felt himself grow fervent, eager. He felt Lucius' mouth close around him.  
  
Severus had never done anything like that before in his life. His heart grew for the fair-haired boy, and he didn't want it to end.  
  
"But inevitably, this too shall pass," Severus thought.  
  
And it did.  
  
And Lucius left him with these words:  
  
"Don't tell anyone."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Lucius avoided him for the rest of the day. Severus didn't understand why; if Lucius was embarrassed, why did he do it.  
  
Finally at dinnertime Severus saw Lucius sitting by a few of his friends. He approached him quietly, and stopped near him.  
  
"Yes?" Lucius said. Severus glanced downward.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Can I sit here?"  
  
Lucius' stare turned into a scowl.  
  
"No."  
  
A few of Lucius' friends giggled.  
  
It was like a slap in a face.  
  
"Um - "  
  
"Go sit down there where you usually sit. Like, alone."  
  
Severus stared at Lucius, his eyes burning.  
  
How could he?  
  
He turned and walked over to his normal seat. 


	3. Judas

The little boy watched as He struck the woman, his mother, His rage fashioned by His own twisted delusions, and the little boy was too afraid to help. He watched blow after blow after blow, watched as his mother's nose began to bleed and lips were split and could do nothing but cry.  
  
But even crying didn't help.  
  
He heard the boy crying, turned on him and began hitting the poor little boy. He tried to get away, to run away from His fury, but couldn't get away.  
  
He could do nothing but cry and scream for his mother.  
  
Severus awoke suddenly, his face wet and sticky with tears. He was gasping and sniveling fearfully, his breaths coming in short little hiccups.  
  
It took awhile to calm himself down; he instinctively knew what time it was, because he always woke up at this time. 3:14 am.  
  
Severus couldn't bring himself to fall back asleep, as the vividness of the nightmare was poignant. He decided to go down to the common room for awhile until he felt able to sleep.  
  
He made his way inaudibly, not wanting to wake anyone. He heard soft voices from the common room as he approached; he slowly and silently peeked around the corner.  
  
He saw a blonde boy, and he had to take an extra glance at before apprehend who it was. Lucius was tryinf to latch lips with a giggling girl whom he knew as Narcissa Black, but she pushed his lips away with two fingers.  
  
He felt all the blood flow from his face and leave him cold and pale. Narcissa pulled away as Lucius tried to put his hand up her shirt.  
  
"No, tomorrow," she whispered. "I just got dressed again, we'll get caught."  
  
"Once more, Cissa, please."  
  
"Tomorrow."  
  
They kissed and Narcissa rose, disappearing up the staircase to the girl's dorm.  
  
Lucius glanced over at Severus, who had found himself frozen in place. He seemed not to react except for a twitch of his eyebrow and one corner of his mouth.  
  
"Oy Sev."  
  
"H-hello Lucius," Severus heard the shake in his voice.  
  
"What are you doing up at this time in the morning?"  
  
"Couldn't sleep," Severus said, sighing deeply.  
  
He felt his lip quiver. "Lucius...about the other day..."  
  
"What about it?"  
  
"Why did you...I mean.....Why did you not let me sit with you?"  
  
"Because everyone would think I was insane, letting you sit with me."  
  
"Then why did you..." Severus' chest felt heavy.  
  
"I was bored."  
  
"You and Narcissa..." Severus ventured hesitantly  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Severus swallowed hard. He knew it was too good to be true.  
  
"Well you...I mean, I've never had a girlfriend."  
  
Lucius seemed to raise his eyes and curl his lip slightly.  
  
"I know. Not everyone...is exceedingly attractive."  
  
Severus grunted.  
  
"Come here," Lucius said, and patted the place next to him on the couch.  
  
Severus was rooted to the floor for a moment, unsure. Grimly he compelled his leaden legs to move, and perched himself so lightly next to Lucius that he barely made an indent on the seat cushion.  
  
"This is very important. I've been watching you and, well... I don't know what's wrong with you, but, I know how to fix it. Who can fix it."  
  
Severus continued to stare ahead of him, sighing profoundly.  
  
"Do you want to know?"  
  
"You don't know what's going on." Severus whispered dangerously.  
  
"But I know how to fix it." Lucius leaned forward and said tempting.  
  
"It can't be fixed."  
  
"Severus -"  
  
"It can't be fixed! I have to go to bed -" 'Severus began to stand but Lucius restrained him by grabbing a hold on the boy's clothes'  
  
"Severus, listen to me -" Lucius said, drawing him close and brushing his lips against Severus' ear.  
  
"Don't touch me, please -" Severus said, pushing Lucius back.  
  
Lucius seized him again. Severus fought against the older boy's grasp, knocking the taller Slytherin in the face with his elbow in his effort to be free.  
  
There was silence, and the moment felt too thick to breathe.  
  
"I'm sorry." Severus whispered through a dry throat.  
  
Lucius didn't reply. He gingerly touched his nose, where a fat glob of blood began to ooze from one nostril. He wiped it in attempt to collect his dignity.  
  
Severus felt a lump come up in his throat. There sat Lucius, so much stronger and superior than Severus. And Severus had easily fought him off and made him bleed.  
  
As easily as He would be able to.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"I don't get it."  
  
"Hmm? What, Pete?"  
  
Remus rolled over to his stomach and glanced over at his mousy looking friend who sat cross-legged on the bed next to his.  
  
"Well, I don't know."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
Peter Pettigrew screwed up his face in the way he did so often, his nose wrinkling and his eyebrows curving downward. Despite Wormtail's goofy countenance, Remus had to admit he was cute. He still looked somewhat like a baby. Baby-face.  
  
"Well, Slytherins. I suppose, it's strange that most of the...the Death Eaters, well, that they used to be in Slytherin."  
  
Remus shrugged and rolled to his back. Peter got off his own bed and crawled onto Remus'.  
  
"Isn't it weird?"  
  
"I suppose, in a way." Remus said sighingly.  
  
Peter rocked gently. He was constantly wiggling; Remus sometimes told the others he worried about him, it wasn't normal for people to wiggle so much. He even wiggled when he slept. James said it was because of his nerves; Sirius said it was because he was a dipshit. Whatever it was, it could get damn annoying.  
  
"It's scary, though. Every year, it gets worse and worse. Someday people won't be able to fight back. You-Know-Who gets more powerful. And he gets more supporters, all the time."  
  
Remus put a firm hand on Peter's leg to stop its constant fidgeting. Peter got the point and stopped moving his leg but instantly put his pinky finger in his mouth and gnawed on that.  
  
"Dumbledore will be able to take care of it." Remus said reassuringly.  
  
"What if there's a revolt? If the Slytherins that support You-Know-Who -" Peter persisted.  
  
"Like who?"  
  
"You know. Severus, he's gotta be in with it. And, you know...all the rest of `em."  
  
"Look, mate, it doesn't matter. Quit worrying, it's not worth it."  
  
"I can't help it, I'm worried."  
  
Peter lay next to Remus, resting his head in the crook of Remus' arm. Remus ran his fingers through Peter's blonde-brown hair.  
  
"You worry too much."  
  
Peter's fidgeting slowed and his breathing became a steady troupe of sighs. Occasionally he would let out a babyish snore. Remus pulled his arm out from under Peter's head.  
  
"Night, Pete." 


	4. Blood Dreams and Rejected Euphoria

The little boy stood with blood on his hands, a smear of scarlet across his cheek. His mouth hung open, the muscles in his jaw slack. His breath was ragged and all the heard was the rhythmic thud making his chest pound.  
  
He was a very bad boy.  
  
And it made him feel very, very good.  
  
Severus awoke more refreshed than he had in weeks. He didn't remember his dream, and he supposed that was probably a good thing, as all of his previous dreams were not so congenial. But he felt, however, that there was something hidden in the back of his mind.  
  
He put a quick brush through his hair, ran his fingers through it and let it fall again into his face. He stared into the eyes of his reflection for a moment, trying to see the hidden enigma within him, trying to remember. When he heard loud footsteps coming up the stairs he quickly grabbed a book and left the dorm.  
  
Breakfast was appealing. Lucius had a black eye, and Severus found it worthy of noting Lucius's friends ogling over the swollen bruised eye and Lucius' refusal to impart the truth. The occasional glare in his direction made him grin.  
  
Potter and his friends didn't throw anything at him either. Severus wasn't sure why; he almost wanted them to hassle him today. He had a sudden predilection for revenge, and couldn't shake it off.  
  
After not-eating breakfast, Severus took his book outside and sat near the lake. A breeze windswept his hair, so he pulled it into a loose ponytail so he could keep it out of his face while he read.  
  
He finished his book and he sat tranquilly, enjoying the sight of the picturesque scene ahead of him. He heard soft footsteps behind him and pretended to ignore it, but secretly counted the steps toward him. The footsteps were gentle, reminding him of a wolf about to catch it's prey.  
  
"...Oy."  
  
Severus recognized the voice being that of Remus Lupin. Severus drew in a breath and caught it in his throat silently.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
For a fair moment Lupin didn't speak.  
  
"Can I ask you a question."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Lupin seemed to hesitate.  
  
Severus glanced brusquely at the werewolf, unnerved.  
  
"Lucius Malfoy," Lupin said slowly.  
  
"What about him?"  
  
"He has a black eye."  
  
Severus looked out across the lake again.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Lupin sighed softly.  
  
"So, I heard - well, James heard - that - was it you?"  
  
"He was bothering me. As such, it was my right to hit him," Severus said, leaning back onto his palms.  
  
There was silence for a moment and Lupin sat next to Severus.  
  
"Good job."  
  
Severus glanced at Lupin.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Lupin smiled very slightly.  
  
"I'm impressed."  
  
Severus nodded.  
  
"Look, um, another thing."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"About my mates..." Lupin said softly.  
  
Severus cleared his throat.  
  
"They don't mean it. They don't hate you, they just -"  
  
"No need to apologize for them," Severus said, standing.  
  
"I mean it. They think you're in cahoots with - You-Know-Who."  
  
Severus seized up. He felt his nostrils widen. He stared down at Lupin, his good feelings for the day fading.  
  
"Don't assume things about me, half-breed."  
  
Lupin opened his mouth to speak, but Severus interrupted.  
  
"You're worse than the Death Eaters, so don't try to make me admit -"  
  
"I'm not -"  
  
"Shut up," Severus hissed, and stormed off.  
  
Remus Lupin sat in shock.  
  
That didn't go as planned.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Hey, hey, hey, Moony, what happened, where you been, mate Peter said, hopping from his chair over to Remus.  
  
Remus laughed softly.  
  
"Snape said he did it."  
  
"Huh? What? Did what?" James said, looking up from his Quidditch magazine. Sirius also looked up, interested.  
  
"Give Malfoy that black eye," Remus said, plopping down onto a big cushy chair. "I asked him. He said Lucius was bothering him, so he hit him."  
  
"Whoa, really?" James inquired forcefully.  
  
"Really," Remus sighed, pulling a book out of his bag.  
  
Peter stared at Remus with wide eyes.  
  
"You talked to him? And, was he mean to you?" Peter asked, tapping his palm against his other hand which was balled into a fist.  
  
Lupin grabbed Peter's hand to stop his unremitting tapping. Peter blushed and looked down, his annoying fidgets ceasing for the time being.  
  
"At first he wasn't, but then he called me a half-breed and said I was worse than any Death Eater, so -"  
  
"He's got a bug up his arse, anyhow so." Sirius trailed off, seeing Remus looking troubled.  
  
"Moony? What's up, mate?" James asked, sitting at Remus' feet.  
  
"It's nothing, really."  
  
Peter's face showed concern as he said, "Is it because he called you a half- breed? You're not."  
  
"I'm a werewolf, Pete, it's the same thing," Remus said softly.  
  
"No it's not; it's not half-breed technically -"  
  
"Well in a way it is. But that's no reason for you to get upset, mate! He's a slimeball, anyway," James reassured.  
  
"Yeah. You're right, I suppose."  
  
"You guys wanna sneak down to the kitchens and swipe some snacks from the House Elves?" Sirius said suddenly.  
  
Remus shook his head.  
  
"Not hungry."  
  
"Me neither," Peter said nodding.  
  
"Alright, more for us, then," James said, standing up. "Chin up, Remmie," he said, touching Remus' chin and smiling. Remus smiled insincerely, nodded and watched as James and Sirius walked away.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Severus' good mood concluded rapidly. After the meeting with the werewolf, he had gone back to the common room and met up with none other than Lucius Malfoy himself.  
  
"Severus Snape, glad you could drop by," Lucius said sneeringly.  
  
"This is my common room too, Lucius," Severus sighed, his mood becoming very sour.  
  
"I'd like to have a little chat if you don't mind."  
  
"Chat? About what?" Severus spoke dully.  
  
"Yesterday. Listen, about it. I wasn't trying to bother you. I know that I don't know your situation exactly, but I know how it can be helped," Lucius said softly, enticement heavy in his voice.  
  
"Alright. Tell me then. I'm listening."  
  
"I can't say it here. Come with me."  
  
Severus stared at Lucius uneasily. Lucius eyes were a deep gunmetal grey, under good light a blue sheen. They were, although one slightly puffy and still bruised; gazing at Severus with a feeling of need, and Severus perceived an impression of fear. Fear of what?  
  
"It's secret," Lucius whispered.  
  
So, diffidently, Severus went with him. 


	5. Crystal Memories and Twisted Irony

**Beta comments as always, bold and astericks**  
  
It was dark, wherever it was Lucius had brought him. Severus felt afraid, a familiar impression of trepidation pulsing through his body.  
  
"Young Severus Snape," said a hissing voice.  
  
Severus wheeled around, trying to adjust his eyes to the light.  
  
"I see what's happened."  
  
"What's happened?"  
  
"I see your memories."  
  
"My memories?" Severus inquired, his voice shaking.  
  
"Your memories. Your pain. All that you've been through."  
  
Severus stared, befuddled by the entire situation. He saw the vague outline of a tall cloaked man.  
  
"And, what?"  
  
"And I can change your life entirely."  
  
"My life - can't be changed now, it's far too late."  
  
The figure drew close, and pulled Severus to him.  
  
"Your memories wounded you, but pain makes you stronger," the figure hissed, gripping Severus tightly with long, thin fingers.  
  
Severus felt a tiny murmur escape him, sounding uncharacteristically fearful. 'His breath caught in his throat, escaping softly in a whine'The figure drew his head close.  
  
"I control your dreams..." he whispered, and their faces touched, the figure' s cold and unyielding to Severus fevered whimpers. Severus had no control over his own voice and could only listen helplessly to the pathetic sounds he was emitting. Severus' stomach clenched in sheer horror as he noticed the similitude between the figure and Him. And in this sudden moment Severus was justly terrified.  
  
Severus cried out, and the figure brought his lips against Severus' own, not in a lover's kiss, but something more sinister.  
  
Severus was thrust backwards. He tried to catch himself but he just continued to fall. Severus braced himself, not fully understanding, but afraid, for his wellbeing, and quite possibly, his sanity.  
  
He hit the ground with a painful thud. He stood, shaking the pain away. The room was no longer dark, although it was dim. It appeared to be the den of a wizarding family, and it seemed unnervingly familiar to Severus.  
  
He was home.  
  
He shouted, anxious and frenzied in one concurrent instant. He turned to run out, but saw a woman sitting in a room, next to a bed. He approached indolently, his heart pounding. She was stroking the head of a little boy with black hair, singing softly.  
  
"Mum?"  
  
His mother didn't reply, she just sat, singing to the sleeping boy.  
  
"Mum, is that you? Look at me! I must be from the future, and..."  
  
When she didn't react, Severus realized that she must not be able to see him, that it was merely a memory.  
  
He sat at her feet and gazed up at her. On her face she wore a smile, her beauty coming not from her looks but her countenance, the love she wore so evidently on her face. To the boy, she sang softly, a lullaby Severus remembered well.  
  
"You, who I cradled in my arms  
  
Asking as little as you can  
  
Little shadow of a little man  
  
You know I'd give my life for you.  
  
You didn't ask me to be born  
  
Why should you learn of war or pain?  
  
To make sure you're not hurt again  
  
I swear I'll give my life for you.  
  
I've tasted love beyond all fears  
  
And you should know it's love that brought you here  
  
And in one perfect night  
  
When the stars burned like new  
  
I knew what I must do  
  
I'll give you a million things I never owned  
  
I'll give you a world to conquer when you're grown  
  
You will be who you want to be  
  
You can choose whatever Heaven grants  
  
As long as you can have your chance  
  
I swear I'll give my life for you."  
  
She sang it sweetly, a whisper almost inaudible, but Severus had memorized it at a young age, so he knew well what she was saying.  
  
All too well.  
  
Severus heard the door slam and stood quickly. And he knew.  
  
He was home, and He didn't sound happy.  
  
Severus dashed to the front room, and ran face to face with Him. He walked past Severus, or more through him, not heeding him.  
  
"No! No, don't touch her! Don't touch her, you sonovabitch!" Severus shouted, trying to pull Him back, but achieving nothing.  
  
He rounded the corner as his mother was shutting the door of young Severus' room, and she looked at him with a small gasp.  
  
"Please, don't be loud, he just fell asleep -" Severus' mother pleaded.  
  
"He should have been asleep hours ago," He hissed.  
  
"He had a nightmare, he was crying."  
  
"You should have let him cry. Damn weak child shouldn't be comforted. He's eight fucking years old -"  
  
"He's seven -"  
  
"-don't interrupt me! He's not a baby, don't comfort him!"  
  
"I - I'm sorry," she said, cringing.  
  
Severus' jaw ached from clenching his teeth so tightly.  
  
"Where's my dinner?"  
  
"It's on the table."  
  
He made His way to the dining room and sat silently at the table, yanking the plate of food towards Him and taking a bite. He chewed slowly, and swallowed. Severus looked at his mother; she was gripping her hands together.  
  
"...it's cold."  
  
"I'm sorry, I expected you home twenty minutes ago."  
  
"Are you saying I'm late? I'm never late. I always arrive when I mean to," He growled  
  
"Of course, honey, of course -" she entreated.  
  
"Why is it cold?"  
  
"It's been sitting -" Severus' mother looked incredibly upset.  
  
"Why didn't you warm it up?!"  
  
"I was putting Severus to bed!" she shouted, anger flooding into her eyes.  
  
Severus turned, looked at the door to his old bedroom and saw his young self watching his parents bickering.  
  
"That - that CHILD is more important to you than ME?!"  
  
"Yes," she hissed.  
  
There was a choking silence, filled only by the sound of His heavy breathing.  
  
Severus felt desperate. He knew all too well what was going to happen, and didn't want to witness again the twisted irony of his mother's fate.  
  
He rounded on her, bringing His large fist down upon her delicate nose, and she screamed. As she tried to pull away, He pulled her back and hit her again. Even as she slumped to the ground, He did not cease his assaults.  
  
"No!" screamed Severus. He stopped and looked up. Had He heard him?  
  
"No..." came the quivering voice of a small child. Severus turned and saw his younger self, shivering terribly, tears streaming down his tiny face. He looked at Him, his brown eyes filled with something alien.  
  
"What did you say to me?"  
  
"I said no."  
  
The man's lip curled, His face twisting with rage.  
  
"You said no to me?"  
  
"Don't hit my Mum."  
  
The man laughed softly, stood straight, and walked over to the small boy.  
  
The boy looked up at him, quivering, but not showing fear. The man raised His fist, about to strike the small boy.  
  
"Don't. Your fight's not with him. He's just a boy."  
  
"Mum..." said both Severus and his younger self simultaneously.  
  
He turned to her, His lip still curled. He went at her, and she quickly made eye contact with young Severus and said, "The knives, Severus, the knives -"  
  
She was silenced by yet another blow, this one knocking her head against the floor.  
  
Young Severus had run to the kitchen. His Father had ran after him, growling as He went. As He turned the corner to the kitchen, He was met by a knife in his stomach.  
  
Little Severus pulled the knife out, and plunged again, loud, wet sounds accompanying each thrust and spray of blood. He fell backward, onto the floor. His eyes weren't closed, but Severus knew He was dead.  
  
Little Severus scrambled over His body, ran to his mother.  
  
"Mum, wake up. He's dead, Mum. Mum, you've gotta get up," he whispered frantically.  
  
But Severus, already have lived that life, knew that she wouldn't ever wake up. 


End file.
